Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and children of all political parties!

This year, we have a rematch of epic proportions!

In this corner, hailing from the dandy state of Delaware, with a record of 47 years in elected office and 81 million ‘votes’, in the blue flannel pajamas, we have the Ayotollah of Tapioca, Smokin’ Jooooooe Biiiiiiiden!

And in this corner, hailing from whatever over-the-top, yuge mansion he chooses to live in this week, wearing the gold briefs, the best briefs you’ve ever seen, I mean you’ll be tired of looking at gold briefs with this guy, with an even record for 1 and 1 for electoral campaigns, we have the Buddha of Bronzer, Destructor Doooonaaaaald Truuuuummmmp.

OK, enough of that. As an independent voter, I have to ask – Is this the best we can do?

On the Democrat side we have the worst case of elder abuse I’ve ever seen. We’ve got a career politician who has never done a darned useful thing in his life and is as crooked as a dog’s hind leg.

On the Republican side, we have a billionaire who is famous for being famous, was relatively successful as a president as long as everything was going swimmingly, and whose ire for his enemies is only surpassed as his ire for folks on his side who disagree with him.

Seriously? I’m supposed to choose from one of these two?

And don’t get me started about independent and third-party candidates. I’ve seen better pickings at a bring-your-village-idiot-to-work ping pong tournament.

I just keep whispering “Only 8 more months to the election, only 8 more months to the election.” Then, I get depressed, look longingly at a playlist of Reagan’s greatest speeches, and consider whether a write-in of Thomas Massie is worth the ink.

Good luck, America. You’ll need it.