Twice this week, the Boy Child, the Young Prince, the Last Scion of His Mother’s House, has almost missed the school bus because he was too engrossed in electronic frippery to feel the ticking of the clock.

So, being a good father, I took away the primary electronic distraction, along with the pair of headphones he was losing himself in.

The next day, he was using another set of headphones and the miniature electronic distraction to wile away the minutes between rising from slumber and clambering aboard the educational conveyance.

Needless to say, I was rather…. irked. Irritated, you might say.

Using The Voice, I demanded surrender of the headphones, the stowage of the phone, and declared that henceforth, it is forbidden for him to utilize electronics prior to his departure for school.

His mother, the Irish Woman, love of my life and bearer of my child, opined that she occasionally asks him to check his school email and grades before school.

Due to my love and respect for her, these protestations did not fall upon deaf ears.

“Verily,” said I, pointing toward the rat’s next that is the boy’s desk, “he may utilize the computer of many hundreds of dollars which I purchased for his education and which now sits at the bottom of a pile of papers.”

Quoth my sprog, “But that’s electronics.” His eyes danced with the knowledge that he had me now. “You said that I cannot use electronics!”

“OK,” I replied with a shrug. “You may not utilize that either. Go to school lacking insight and warning of impending doom and quizzes.”

A look of shock came across his countenance. “But… but….”

I turned upon my heel, marching away from the high keening of his mother.

What the boy is learning, slowly, is that I am a professionally trained asshole. Not only am I trained, but I have years upon years of experience.

What he hasn’t realized, yet, is that I enjoy it.

Tune in next week for another episode of “You may be almost as tall as me, but you’re not even close to being meaner than me.” Same bear time, same bear channel.