18:17 – Wow, that’s an odd arrangement for the Star Spangled Banner.  He really hit the note at the end, though.

18:19 – Much better.  I noticed the only soldier they showed from Afghanistan who was armed was a female, by the way.

18:21 – A Sponge Bob movie.  Oh frabulous joy.

18:22 – Yep, because women love trucks so that they can cheat with the guy in the truck.

18:22 – No, I will not hug you for a McNugget.

18:23 – The SNL 40th anniversary show is coming.  I just wish Eddie Murphy was alive to see it.

18:24 – If Belichick touched that coin or was even in the same room with it, I want it weighed and balanced before the toss.

18:26 – Irish Woman remarks that the female reporter talking to Pete Carroll looks naked in that shirt.  Hey, it got my attention.

18:25 – Richard Sherman is nursing an injury.  Obviously, it’s not related to his ability to speak.

18:27 – I’m ready to buy tickets now.  Not to the movie.  To the Park.

18:28 – What would I do if my TV went out tonight?  Heck, I might just talk to the wife about the duality of man or something.

18:31 – And away we go.

18:35 – Come on, guys, do something I can be snarky about.

18:37 – No, no, no. You’re supposed to cut Tom Brady off at the knees.

18:38 – Yep, the Founding Fathers were just looking for a way to get their taxes done for free.

18:41 – Hey, guys, if you keep giving the ball to the same guy, eventually the other side will figure it out.  Seattle does 3 and out.

18:42 – Kate Upton in a breastplate / pushup bra.  Where’s my phone?  I need to go to the app store.

18:43 – TomorrowLand, because the Haunted Mansion movie didn’t flop.

18:43 – Bryant Gumbel is on my TV.  Why in the name of whatever is holy is he doing on my #!@#$!!@#$! television?  Oh, and thanks for the all over squicky body shiver when I envisioned the Crypt Keeper twerking.

18:47 – Why did they let Gronkowski get that first down?  Can’t they see the big yellow line and stop him before he gets there?

18:52 – Brady picked off at the goal line.  Oh, and he got hit.  I’m a happy guy.

18:54 – Machete don’t need no Snickers. Machete is good the way he is.

18:55 – As Brady wipes away his sweet, sweet tears, the coach is showing him where he poked the pooch.

18:57 – If Wilson was given any more time in the backfield on that play, he would have had to declare residency in Arizona.  End of 1st Quarter.

18:58 – Remember, President Kennedy wants you to go to sea, but don’t forget your personal pharmacy for the intestinal problems you get on cruise ships.

18:59 – Is it just me, or does Kim Kardashian’s top look like those bars they used to put in front of people’s eyes in old time porn?

19:03 – Because nothing sells beer like lost puppies and their Clydesdale posse.

19:04 – I’d let her kiss me. Just saying.

19:05 – Terminator 7:  The Last RINO.  Can’t hardly wait.

19:05 – Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz?  They’ll go together like liverwurst and kim chi.

19:10 – Random thought – Is there a Korean pop-tart singer with a stage name of “Kim Chi”?

19:11 – Touchdown New England.  7 – 0.

19:13 – Apparently pouring a sugary, acidic, water- based liquid into my servers will make the world a better place.  I need to bring this up at the next technical roundtable discussion.

19:14 – Is some poor helicopter pilot being paid gobs of money to just fly up and down the Grand Canyon tonight?

19:20 – Apparently it’s a big enough deal that one of the quarterbacks hasn’t completed a pass that they’ve mentioned it four times in two minutes.

19:22 – So that’s what it looks like when a race car driver picks up his son for court-ordered visitation.

19:26 – Wow, NationWide, right in the feels.  Well played.

19:28 – Marshawn Lynch is only carrying the ball so that he doesn’t get a fine.

19:29 – Close your mouth, coach, you’ll draw flies.

19:31 – Well, what do you know, the Seahawks have an air game.  Who knew?

19:33 – Touchdown Seattle – Game tied at 7

19:35 – Just give me my #$!@#$!@ coffee and let me get on with my #!$@#$! day.

19:39 – So, Fiat got a boner and produced a station wagon.  Cool.

19:44 – Hey, I know.  We all want to knock Tom Brady on his ass.  But you gotta wait for the ball to move.

19:47 – Wait, that’s real grass?  In Phoenix?  And they wonder why the rest of Arizona hates them.

19:47 – Touchdown New England.  14-7.

19:49 – What is it with the “Hit them in the feels” commercials this year?  I came here to laugh and enjoy people catching footballs, not to feel.

19:55 – The key to victory is to make decisions.  Do, or do not.  There is no try.

19:58 – Touchdown Seattle – Game tied at 14.  End of 1st Half.

20:04 – It’s a sign of the apocalypse, brothers and sisters.  Bob Costas is allowing a little gray to show through the shoe polish.

20:08 – Note to manufacturers – Do not use the uniform to sell cars.  Seriously.  Thank you.

20:11 – And now the HalfTime Show, starring Katy Perry as Michael Jackson.

20:12 – Can I get a little more echo in my playback, please?  I can almost make out the music.  On second hand, never mind, this is better.

20:16 – Costume change.  Bounce Bounce Bounce.  OK, now, I see the secrets of her success.

20:21 – And now, Katy Perry in Godspell.

20:25 – Confidence for young ladies, brought to you by tampons.

20:26 – Bob Costas is pontificating again.  The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

20:32 – Beginning of 2nd Half.

20:33 – Words of wisdom from Belichick – In a tied game, whichever team plays better in this half will win.

20:36 – The field goal crew for Seattle had to put their beers down before they got out to the field, but they are good for 3.  17 to 14 Seattle.

20:38 – Soon, Liam Neeson will be speaking out about civilian ownership of swords and magical fiery dragons.

20:47 – Apparently the grounding rule has been waived this evening.

20:48 – Seattle intercepts again.  Richard Sherman celebrates by blocking somebody in the back.

20:53 – Seattle touchdown.  24 -14 Seattle.  Seattle player penalized for celebrating a touchdown in the Super Bowl.  There is no justice in this world.

20:55 – Someday I want to be as smooth as Pierce Brosnan.  I really like fireworks, too.

20:58 – “Sorry, it’s a boy”.  Screw you and T-Mobile, Sarah Silverman.

21:01 – And what do you do?  I’m an NFL neuro-trauma consultant.  — I want to hear this at a barbecue.

21:03 – Oh, sweet.  An old chestnut from a communist used to sell cars made by a multi-national capitalist conglomerate.  This land is your land, but I’m a gonna drive my Jeep across it.

21:12 – The most Google’d auto brand is Ford.  People are using Google to look for answers to symptoms.

21:14 – Did I just see a guy get tacked via Atomic Wedgie?

21:16 – Oh, wow.  It’s the 4th Quarter.

21:18 – A sequel to Ted.  Yep.  They’ve run out of ideas.

21:19 – LocTite may just have won the SuperBowl.  Weird commercial, but at least it was entertaining.

21:20 – Oh, gee, oh golly gosh darn.  Brady got sacked.

21:27 – Touchdown New England – 21 – 24 Seattle

21:29 – Seriously, I just wanted a beer.  I don’t even like video games!

21:30 – Tom Brady now holds a record for Superbowl touchdowns at 12, surpassing Joe Montana.  Of course, he already holds the NFL career record for Most Insufferable Douchebag from the Bay Area.

21:32 – I was hoping the tortoise would use that Mercedes to run over the hare.

21:37 – Pork from above!  Doritos wants you to know that no pigs were hurt during filming of that commercial.  Not counting the ones that were served at the post-shoot barbecue.

21:47 – Touchdown New England.  28 – 24 New England

21:51 – The Victoria’s Secret commercial reminds me that we haven’t seen the cheerleaders during the game.

21:56 – Now, that was a very, very pretty catch.  I don’t think the receiver knew whether or not he’d actually caught it.

21:59 – Pass intercepted by New England at the goal line.  Belichick and Brady begin the ritual sacrifice of a goat in thanksgiving.

22:03 – Seattle steps on it schwanz and lets New England get out off the goal line.  Seattle coaching staff begins preparations to sacrifice a defensive back pour encourageur les autres.

22:04 – A hockey game breaks out after the whistle on the last play.  A Seattle player is ejected so that he can be ritually cleansed for the post-game sacrifice.

22:06 – Belichick is doused with Gatorade to wash the slime off before the post-game interviews.

22:06 – New England takes a knee and wins the Super Bowl.  Good night and good luck.