• From the “Genius!” Department – The zoo in San Francisco is advertising adoption of such animals as the hissing cockroach and scorpions in honor of ex’es.  Yes, you can pay money so that your deadbeat ex-husband or cheating ex-wife can be associated with vermin, or at least, different vermin.  I am in conversations with the Russian Space Agency to adopt Sputnik in honor of my ex, because it’s generally spherical and rather pointy in places*.
• From the “Cabin Fever” Department – A Bostonian recently took advantage of the rough weather to walk around his neighborhood in a yeti costume.  In related news, I haven’t heard from Weer’d Beard lately.
• From the “Say Cheese” Department – A woman in Michigan is suing the city of Dearborn Heights because she was forced to remove her Muslim head scarf during a booking photo.  She was under arrest for driving on a suspended license, and there was no female officer available at the time to do the photo.  Her suit alleges that the police and the city violated her First Amendment rights.  I side with the city on this one.  If you’re being booked, the city needs to know what your face looks like, and to make sure you’re not smuggling weapons or contraband into jail.
• From the “Qel Surpris” Department – As further evidence that some animals are more equal than others, reports are coming out that the Washington D.C. police wanted to arrest NBC personality David Gregory after he waved a 30 round magazine on national TV.  It would appear that somewhere between the police and the courthouse, however, an angel appeared to the prosecutor, and spake unto him “This is my favored reporter.  Touch not a hair on his head, nor blemish his reputation.”  And so, instead of being brought up on charges under D.C.’s gun laws, Mr. Gregory has continued doing his life’s work, throwing softballs to Democrat politicians.
• From the “Stupid People Tricks” Department – Kids, if you’re going to carry, make sure that you put that gun away before going to get on the plane, because Uncle Badtouch is perfectly happy to confiscate it and have you arrested if you forget.  Also, your range bag is for the range, not the airport.  I wonder how many people have gotten in trouble because a loaded magazine or a few loose rounds were at the bottom of their carry on?
• From the “Dammit!” Department – The measles outbreak that has been traced back to a visitor to Disneyland continues to grow.  Health officials in California have asked that 30 babies in Alameda be kept isolated from other children after they were exposed to measles.  In an age of ebola, super flu’s, MRSA, and the Vietnamese black crotch rot, why are we still worried about measles?  But, hey, who are you going to believe about the benefits of immunizing against deadly diseases, a physician or some dude with a WordPress account?
• From the “Would Smell as Sweet” Department – The French government recently told a mother that she could not name her child “Nutella”, while another lost her fight to name her child “Strawberry”.  La-a was not available for comment.
• From the “Enemy of my Enemy” Department – The DPRK recently characterized remarks made by President Obama as “nothing but a poor grumble of a loser.”  I had to read further into the story to notice that they weren’t talking about his last State of the Union address.
• From the “Peasants!” Department – A Kentucky state senator is trying to get his arrest for drunken driving quashed.  It would appear that Kentucky law says that a lawmaker cannot be arrested while attending a session of the legislature.  However, whether or not Senator Schlitz was enroute to or from the capitol is a bit of a controversy.  Nothing like having those who make the laws find a way to be above them.

*Yes, I shamelessly stole that line.