- From the “Riding Dirty” Department – A man in Georgia was recently cited for distracted driving because he was eating a McDonalds cheeseburger while wending his way down the public thoroughfare. Deputy Fife was quoted as saying “First they eat the double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, then it’s fries, then it’s a double thick Steak ‘n’ Shake milkshake. The next thing you know, they’re all hopped up on McNuggets and Animal Style Double Doubles, and it’ll be chaos in our streets.”
- From the “Responsible Adult” Department – A Louisville school bus driver was fired from her job and charged after she allowed a 12-year-old girl give oral sex to a 17-year-old boy on her bus. Not only was the act done on her bus, but the boy told her about it before he did it, and the act allegedly happened in the seat directly behind the driver while the bus was in motion. And now, kids, you understand why DaddyBear didn’t put up much of a fight when Irish Woman decreed that her son would not be attending public school in Louisville.
- From the “Sports and Other Necessities of Life” Department – The National Football Association has found that 11 out of 12 footballs used by the New England Patriots in the AFC playoff game were deflated at some point. Referees inspect the footballs before the game begins, but somehow these non-standard balls got past the checks or they were altered afterward. If it is found that the Patriots let air out of their balls, they face a fine and possibly the loss of draft picks for next year. However, and please remember that I hope that Tom Brady and Bill Belichick die in horrible Zamboni accidents, I don’t agree that this scandal should change the line-up for the Super Bowl. Tampered-with balls may have had some impact on the game, but the Colts got beaten like a rented mule regardless.
- From the “Holy Writ” Department – Archeologists have beenlooking at the papyrus scraps to wrap some mummies, particularly their masks, to find out what was written on them. Apparently Crazy Abdul’s Discount Mummification and Body Shop recycled paper to wrap their 99 Shekel specials, and the writing on the paper can be read after the mummies are unwrapped. Texts found so far include snippets of classics, personal letters, and what is believed to be the earliest known version of the Gospel of Saint Mark. Even more exciting, to this author, is a passage that says “The Lord said unto Thomas: I hunger, my friend. If thou wouldst fly, I shall buy. I desire a Double Double, Animal Style, two orders of fries, and a large Coke.”
- From the “Bad Ideas” Department – A man in New York wasarrested recently when he decided to demolish his home without telling his wife or removing her things from the house. Apparently Captain Success also didn’t have the utilities shut off before beginning his demolition, because police had to call crews in to disconnect the power, water, and gas. He is out on bail, while his wife is advertising on-line for a fishing boat and a concrete contractor.
- From the “Science!” Department – Researchers have successfully programmed a robot to emulate, both physically and programatically, the brain of a worm. The robot senses things in front of it, moves itself independently, and senses food and other stimuli. Scientists say that they are 20 to 30 percent of the way to their goal, which is for the worm to seek out a mate and run for elected office on the Green Party ticket.
- From the “Stupid Is As Stupid Does” Department – A crime victim in Louisville recently made the police’s job much easier when she saw someone wearing her stolen jewelry during a court appearance. It appears that Ms. Brainiac attended her pre-trial hearing for receiving stolen goods while wearing stolen goods. In unrelated news, a man under indictment for trafficking in drugs showed up for court with baggies of cocaine hanging out of his pockets, and an arson suspect brought a can of kerosene with him, just in case.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on January 21, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/21/news-roundup-243/
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DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 
AndyN
/ January 22, 2015A few years ago the Saints offered off the books payments to their defensive players for doing what those players were going to do anyway, and what fans like to watch them do – make crushing, highlight reel hits on opponents. As far as I remember, none of the damaging hits in question drew flags of fines. If the hits themselves weren’t against the rules, there was really no competitive advantage gained. The league suspended the head coach for a year.
This is the second time the Patriots under Belichick have made a concerted effort to violate a rule specifically to gain a competitive advantage. Perhaps if he’d gotten more than a slap on the wrist the first time, he wouldn’t keep doing it. For someone who’s prone to cheating, trading a few hundred thousand dollars and some draft picks for a better shot at the Super Bowl is a no brainer. We know what the league considers appropriate punishment for serious offenses. I say keep the Pats in the Super Bowl, but suspend the coaching staff for a year, effective immediately.
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