- From the “Eastbound and Down” Department – A family in Michigan had an adventure the other day when their minivan became enmeshed with the back of a semi truck. It took 23 minutes for deputies to find the truck and stop it, by which time the van tires were worn to the nub as it was dragged down the highway. The good news is that the van’s computer recorded excellent gas mileage during the trip, which is nice.
- From the “Truth in Advertising” – A Florida man was arrested after he was caught with a bag containing marijuana and meth at a KMart. In what can only be called “probable cause”, his tee shirt read “Who needs drugs? No, seriously, I have drugs.” Police report that the man’s wardrobe includes shirts which read “I hate cops”, and another that read “I have warrants”.
- From the “Career Development” Department – Over ten thousand people have applied for a job to test paintball markers. Unfortunately, the successful applicant will be the target, not the shooter, and will be required to have a high threshold of pain and the ability to grade bruises based on color, depth, and radius.
- From the “Pucker Factor” Department – Members of the team on the International Space Station had to evacuate the United States section of the station when mission control detected a possible ammonia leak. It is unknown whether or not this incident was related to last night’s meal of saurkraut and Texas chili. Technicians on the station are monitoring the situation and debating whether or not it would be a good idea to light a few candles.
- From the “Say Cheese” Department – Authorities near Saint Louis are crowd sourcing the work to identify those who took part in last year’s looting. They are releasing surveillance camera stills of looters in hopes that someone will recognize them and turn them in for a reward. My gut tells me that a few people will be arrested due to this effort, but even more people will be framing prints of the pictures and putting them on the wall above their new TV and athletic shoe collection.
- From the “Qel Surpris” Department – The world is realizing that when Islamic terrorists in Africa kidnap hundreds of young girls, they’re not offering them tea and crumpets. Rather, they’re selling them off as slaves, which is apparently a shock to some. In related news, European authorities are discovering that American college students travel to Munich in September to get drunk, not to admire the scenery.
- From the “Fixer Upper” Department – A castle in Great Britain is for sale for the rather reasonable price of $500,000. The castle, which was renovated in 1954, and seems to be in quite good condition. However, the listing fails to mention the homeowner’s association covenant, which requires that all moat monsters be on a leash, that the castle drawbridge only be down when going through the portal, and that all marauding bands of Vikings be out of the neighborhood by sundown.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on January 14, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/14/news-roundup-240/
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2 Comments
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 
MSgt B
/ January 15, 2015You forgot to mention the “ghost” that comes with the castle.
Fuck it…wanna go halfsies?
We can trade off standing on the ramparts with a longbow and chunking arrows at anyone that comes up the drive.
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daddybear71
/ January 15, 2015Wish I had it. Irish Woman always wanted to be the lady of a manor.
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