Mother: Randy? What’s wrong? Whatcha cryin’ for?
Randy: Daddy’s gonna kill Ralphie!
Mother: No he’s not…
Randy: Yes he is!
Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie!

— A Christmas Story

I love my children, I really do.  I’m just saying that it’s a good thing they’re so cute.  One bad thing about living in Louisville in the winter is that it’s considered child neglect to tell them to go outside and play in the mud, where even in the depths of a North Dakota winter, it’s completely acceptable to tell the little apes to go outside and play in the snow for a few hours while dear old Dad figures out how to get that vein in his forehead to stop throbbing.