- From the “Jurisprudence” Department – A court in New York has ruled that chimpanzees do not have the same legal rights as a human being. However, the court found that they are welcome to continue to run for elected office.
- From the “Get A Rope” Department – The Navy is investigating a petty officer after he was accused of taping female naval officers undressing and taking showers aboard a ballistic missile submarine. Female officers have been a part of the crews on missile subs for several years, and apparently this guy decided to take advantage of the close quarters to add to his personal creeper collection. Here’s hoping there’s a yardarm somewhere on a boomer.
- From the “About Damned Time” Department – The people who were wounded in the 2009 Fort Hood shootings will be awarded Purple Hearts along with related benefits after Congress passed a bill funding the Defense Department. An amendment to the bill overrides Department of Defense and Obama administration assertions that the shooting was an act of workplace violence, not terrorism, and therefore the people who got shot do not deserve combat awards and benefits. It’s good to see that occasionally the Congress can do something right. Now if we can just convince the other two branches of the government to follow their example.
- From the “Operations” Department – NASA is responding to reports that one of its WB-57 high-altitude planes was spotted in Africa this summer. No details are forthcoming on what the mission of the aircraft was, but my sources suggest it was related to flying. Of course,the correct response from NASA is not “No comment”. Rather, it should be “Plane? What plane? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
- From the “First You Say It” Department – A family in Austria got a bit of a surprise the other day when something exploded in their wood-burning stove. It appears that the wood in the stove came from a tree that had grown over and around a World War II era hand grenade, and it exploded in the fire. This reminds me of the old trick to clean out the stovepipe on a pot-bellied stove by throwing a couple 7.62 blanks into the fire. No one was harmed in the incident, and the home was undamaged since the cast iron stove contained the explosion. I want the name of that stove company. If their product can contain a grenade, they’ll stand up to pretty much anything I can throw at it.
- From the “Technology” Department – A university in Scotland has developed a tweed fabric that has the scent of whisky embedded in it. As someone who has lived and worked around Southern women and quit wearing cologne because he got tired of being sniffed and told he smelled good, this needs to stop. A man who smells of peat and booze will have to learn to run for his life while wearing a stylish jacket.
- From the “TBone Terror” Department – A Scottish policeman recently ran into difficulty arresting a man when he discovered that the man was in a cow shed. It appears that Officer Courage has a phobia for cows, and needed backup. The situation was resolved peacefully, which is surprising considering everyone in this situation, including the cows, was Scottish.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on December 10, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/12/10/news-roundup-237/
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DaddyBear
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spikedspiegel
/ December 11, 2014keel hauled. A sub has a Keel, right?
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daddybear71
/ December 11, 2014Yep.
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