- From the “Kill It With Fire” Department – A scientist in Guyana recently encountered a rare “Goliath Birdeater” spider. Apparently when the Lord created South America, he threw in spiders that are a foot in diameter, have bodies the size of a fist, two-inch fangs, and legs that click as they walk. And people wonder why I prefer tundra to jungle. I’m not freaked out by creepy crawlies, but when the bite of a spider is described as feeling like a nail has been driven into you, it’s time to nuke the site from orbit.
- From the “Big Brass Ones” Department – A man in Fresno calmly walked into a burning home and saved one of its occupants the other day. His name is not in the papers, but I just wanted to join the chorus of voices that sing his praise. I hope that, if given the same circumstances, I would do the same.
- From the “Go Figure” Department – A man, who authorities describe as a convicted sex offender, is being called a serial killer after the bodies of seven women have been found and are believed to be his victims. Details are still coming out, but authorities report that the man admitted to at least three of the killings. Huh, who would have thunk that a convicted sex offender would go on to do bad things? If only those who commit despicable things to others could be kept off our streets, permanently.
- From the “Getting Off Light” Department – A man in Tennessee is being paroled after serving 40 years of a 198 year sentence for a double murder. It appears that he shot an entertainer when the victim came home and interrupted a burglary, then the murderer chased down and executed the entertainer’s wife in her own front yard. But, as evidenced by testimony in his latest parole hearing, he feels sorry for what he’s done and the parole board believes that he is no longer a threat to society. Basically, in exchange for some tools and a couple of guns, this guy killed two good people, at least one of them in cold blood, and he gets to breathe free air again because he says he’s sorry and won’t do it again. As if I didn’t need another excuse to support the recreation of the American hemp industry. This is a good case to show that a few feet of good hemp rope will solve a lot of problems.
- From the “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” Department – A pumpkin festival in New Hampshire got out of hand when a drunken mob decided to turn pumpkin rolls into automobile rolls. Authorities are pouring over video of the incident to figure out who was involved and bring them to justice. Sources tell me that those who are caught and convicted will be put to work cleaning up old, broken jack-o-lanterns and be fed on nothing more than pumpkin spice lattes and old marshmallow pumpkins. In related news, a pumpkin festival in Pennsylvania climaxed when a 1,200 pound pumpkin was dropped 125 feet onto a truck, crushing it. As someone who loves watching stuff blow up at Knob Creek, I have to say that I’m interested in the Pennsylvania festival’s take on fall festivities.
- From the “Welcome Home” Department – The X-37B, an Air Force semi-autonomous drone, has returned from a 22 month flight. During this deployment, the drone has conducted secret missions for the Department of Defense. Now that it is back at its home base in California, it is being briefed on new regulations on tattoos and piercings, as well as expected reduction in force efforts. Such things may force the UAV to find a job in the private sector, where it hopes to work as a traffic camera for the FOX station in Peoria. No word yet from the Veterans Administration on whether the necessary repairs to the drone will be covered as “service related.”
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on October 20, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/10/20/news-roundup-229/
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2 Comments
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 
Old NFO
/ October 20, 2014Concur on the gent in Fresno… And ROTF at the X-37… 🙂
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Drang
/ October 22, 2014My support for capital punishment is what prevents me from claiming to be a “Big ‘L'” libertarian, and causes even the “little ‘l'” to be very little indeed.
Still, there are clearly cases where somebody “needed killin’.”
And if my experience is any indication, the VA will deny any service-related disability claims for X37.
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