- From the “Stupid is as Stupid Does” Department – A person, or possibly a group of people, in California has taken to the streets dressed as clowns. They seem to show up at odd hours and in odd places, and there are reports of some criminal activity. Copycat ‘performance artists’ have been spotted in several areas. Yeah, nothing bad can happen here. You’re just dressing up like a creepy clown, prowling the streets at night, and surprising people. I look forward to the screeches of outrage when one of these jackasses gets shot, beaten, stabbed, run over, or some combination thereof.
- From the “Blackmail” Department – North Korea has told the United States that unless programs to recover the bodies of our service members who were killed in the hermit kingdom during the Korean War, and the payments to the DPRK that go with them, are revived, those bodies will be lost as the land they lay in is developed, folded, spindled, and mutilated. Someone ought to remind the North Koreans that if we can’t recover our fallen, then we’re perfectly happy cremating them in place, along with everything that’s near them.
- From the “Ill Wind” Department – An angler at a lake in California got a surprise when he retrieved a backpack that had been submerged in the lake before its waters receded due to drought. Inside he found several items, including a handgun and an ATF badge. The good citizen turned it all in to local law enforcement, who found out that the backpack had been lost during a boating incident in 1992. Searchers are now combing the lake’s shore for the ATF’s credibility, which it seems to have lost in 1993.
- From the “Innovation” Department – A zoo in Switzerland is under fire after it revealed that the deer and boar meat on the menu at its cafe come from animals culled from the zoo’s herds. Approximately 100 animals are born at the zoo every year, and some have to be killed when homes for the new arrivals aren’t available. Apparently the zoo is wrong for being wise with the meat that the animals gave their lives for, as well as for breaking the myth that meat grows spontaneously on little foam trays at the butcher. I, for one, think that the program should be expanded to allow young people to see how a humane slaughter, butchering, and preparation are done. Might shock a few people to find out that it takes actual work to get food to change from grass and grain into backstrap and bacon.
- From the “Lost in Translation” Department – A library in New Jersey is replacing a bit of masonry when it was found that not only did the Roman numerals on its face give the wrong year, but also that the Latin phrase on the medallion was incorrect. Instead of translating into “We confirm everything twice”, it actually means “We second guess everything”. The architect for the project has said that his firm will replace the medallion free of charge, but also expressed shock that anyone going to the library could actually read, much less in Latin. Victor Davis Hanson issued a short “I told you so.” when asked for comment.
- From the “Springtime in Oz” Department – A suburban Australian was surprised to find two male kangaroos practicing their kick boxing in his street. This just goes to show that in Australia, even the things that we consider cute are deadly badasses. A representative from Fox Sports is on her way to Sidney now to assess whether a new television show can be made from situations like this. I see it being wedged in between cage fighting and Simpsons reruns. On a side note, someone needs to credit Loonie Tunes animators for accuracy, because I never believed that kangaroos actually balanced on their tails when kicking until now.
- From the “Tax Dollars” Department – An Air Force inspector general is looking into the sale of several multi-million dollar cargo aircraft for $32,000 when they were scrapped. These aircraft were purchased for the Afghani Air Force, but the USAF reports that they were unable to fulfill mission requirements and had other problems. If you wanted a metaphor for our involvement in Afghanistan, this is it. We have thrown metric tons of mone into a third-world cesspool, only to have what little there is to show for it destroyed as we leave. It would have been better to just burn the money on the National Mall, because at least we would have gotten a little heat and light from it.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on October 13, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/10/13/news-roundup-230/
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DaddyBear
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/ October 13, 2014So, is this the first documented “boating accident”…?
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