- From the “Anthropology” Department – A new study suggests that warlike or homicidal behavior is natural and common in one of our nearest evolutionary cousins, the chimpanzees. Interestingly, in bonobos, another close relative, it’s exceedingly rare. The killing seems to happen most when competition for resources is highest, which fits in well with human behavior. Of course, they have yet to find a population of chimps that enjoy knocking other chimpanzees down and stomping them for fun, nor have I seen reports of them kidnapping females and locking them up in secret rooms for years.
- From the “Biting the Hand” Department – Leaked emails from a group at Brandeis University seems to demonstrate just how far the political extremism goes in some parts of academia. I’m not going to equate antisemitism with anti-Israel, but these messages are pretty rabid. It’s also apparent that to a lot of these academics, leaving your religion and then pointing out why constitutes a hate crime. And just to flavor the soup, we have the regular vitriol about conservatives and anyone who doesn’t get their news from Pravda or Komsomolets. Somewhere in my black heart, I hope these people someday have to face the victims of those they support.
- From the “Abandoned” Department – Former prostitutes in South Korea are being forced out of their homes near an expanding American base. It appears that after being used by the South Korean government to provide entertainment to American GI’s for decades, they are being forgotten. The seedy side of American bases in foreign countries was pretty sad to see, and the fact that these women are being cast aside now that their usefulness has declined and the political and social climate has changed is telling. I’m not sure what a complete solution to this should be, but it ought to include some sunshine on what, if anything, American leadership knew about the Koreans keeping women handy for soldiers, and probably some sort of financial and social support for them.
- From the “FFS” Department – A local university went on lock down recently after someone reported seeing someone with a backpack and a gun. After an hour or so of searching, the offender was located and the ‘rifle’ turned out to be an umbrella. People, if you can’t tell an umbrella from a rifle on a rainy day, please stop wasting Pell grant money to go to university.
- From the “Anti-Gun Utopia” Department – A young man in Chicago recently learned that there is no safe place, there are no safe strangers, and you really shouldn’t live in Chicago if you can help it when he was attacked and hacked at with a machete. Seven people, ranging in age from 15 to 23, have been arrested. The members of the attacking group have been charged with robbery, aggravated assault, and trespassing. So, I guess attempted murder was too much of a stretch for the police and prosecutors after one of the victims required 31 stitches to close a 6 inch long, 1 1/2 inch deep gash. Luckily, this is Chicago, so nobody had a gun, so nothing serious happened.
- From the “Research” Department – The federal government is paying several million dollars for a study that entails getting monkeys drunk and then seeing what effect alcohol has on their tissues. Funny, I’d have thought they could have done the same research at any public university during Greek Week for a lot less.
- From the “Bad Idea” Department – A man in Ireland was arrested in May when he exposed his buttocks to a member of the police and shouted insults and threats at him. Having gotten into a fight or two with Irish police (Not in Ireland, thank the Lord), I’m pretty sure this guy was either drunk, is the bravest man on Earth, or is out of his mind. I have a friend who has a crooked tooth because he smarted off to Officer O’Malley one too many times.
- From the “Misplaced Trust” Department – A federal judge has awarded a large sum of money to a former ATF agent who was pretty much abandoned by his agency after infiltrating the Hells Angels motorcycle gang. An earlier settlement covered other offenses, but it appears that his ‘leadership’ at ATF decided to take a shine to the man and made life difficult for him until he retired. Something tells me that a guy who was willing to infiltrate a biker gang for a couple of years isn’t going to be intimidated by some douche in a cheap suit, so it’s not surprising that he took to the courts and made the ATF pay. It’s interesting that this is the same ATF office that bungled the Fast and Furious operation.
- From the “Beasties” Department – A surgeon in Australia has heroically removed a tumor from the head of a pet goldfish, and the patient is said to be doing “swimmingly”. You read that right, ladies and gentlemen. Somebody paid $200 to have surgery done on a $2 goldfish. Apparently his owners had become quite attached to him in the 10 years of his life, and this new surgery will give him another 20 years to enjoy swimming in tight circles. Now, I love my pets. Honestly, there are days when I love my cat and my dog more than I like 99.99999999% of humanity. But this takes it to another level. Mr. Limpet is expected to make a full recovery, and will soon be on a speaking tour to discuss his heroic comeback. All of this will be covered in his new book, “Against the Current”, in which the details of his struggles and victories will be laid bare to the world.
- From the “Update” Department – The Minnesota Vikings, bowing to public pressure and common sense, have told Adrian Peterson to stay away from the team until his legal troubles are cleared up. You’ll recall that Peterson was indicted the other day for child abuse after he admitted to a grand jury that he used a switch to repeatedly whip his four year old son, leaving bleeding welts on the child’s buttocks, legs, and genitals. I’d say that this is a good step by the club, and one that I hope is emulated across the league.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on September 18, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/09/18/news-roundup-226/
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