Queen Elinor:Merida, a princess does not set her weapons on the table.
Princess Merida:Mom, it’s just my bow!
Queen Elinor:A princess should not have weapons in my opinion.
King Fergus:Princess or not. Learning to fight is essential!

— Brave

For the years just preceding my parents’ divorce and for first few years afterward, my family spent a lot of time around women who were routinely beaten by their husbands and boyfriends.  Birds of a feather flock together, and all that.  That meant a lot of impromptu group therapy sessions around kitchen tables and living rooms.  I heard a lot of “Where was your family?” and “Why didn’t you get out sooner?” questions, but I never heard “Why didn’t you fight back?”.  Imagine the outrage if someone had asked “What caliber for abuser?”.

My daughter will never be one of those women, if I have anything to do about it.

I’m a big guy, and some find me a tad intimidating.  That seems to go double for the young men I meet through Girlie Bear.  But I am under no illusion that the threat of “My daddy is going to kill you!” will deter an abusive husband or boyfriend.  Heck, I know that eventually she’ll bring home a boy who doesn’t look at me as a possible cause of his death.  I have to prepare her to take care of herself.  That preparation includes teaching her how to shoot and to fight dirty.  But it starts and ends with teaching her that it’s not only all right to fight back, but expected.  It’s good that the young men respect the amount of pain I may cause them, but it’s better when they know that it’s not me they should worry about.

I want to raise my daughter in such a way that in the event someone hurts her, the last thing they hear as they’re wheeled into the ambulance or put in the police cruiser is her voice telling them they got off easy.