- From the “Automatic Overreaction” Department – A young boy in California was suspended and was threatened with expulsion from school after he committed the mortal sin of taking a small pocketknife camping. Apparently an inch and an half of semi-sharpened steel is enough to cause the high pitched keening and shrieking to reach deadly levels in today’s educational system. Am I the only one who has had a teacher ask to use his knife during class? Where exactly did we go from days where I could take a .22 rifle to school for show-and-tell to this? Heck, once I was in Cub Scouts, it was pretty much required that I carry my pocketknife to school on days that I was wearing my uniform. Am I the only parent who would object if my child was taken to the woods for several days without a pocket knife in case of need or emergency?
- From the “Mayhem in the Mountains” Department – Climbers and sherpas are pointing fingers at each other after a fight broke out between the two groups on the slopes of Mount Everest. Knowing nothing about the details of this, I will tend to side with the sherpas. I cannot imagine spending weeks on end with people who are trying to find themselves, talk endlessly about their preparations for the trip, and complain even more about the cold, the air, the food, the tent, and the isolation of climbing the world’s tallest mountain. “If this yuppie says one more word about how hard he’s worked to get ready for this trip, I’m going to remind him that this is my 15th trip up this year, right before I stuff his North Face parka down his throat. Wait, did that son of a gun just compare my sister to the family yak?”
- From the “Bolshevik Booze” Department – A distillery in the Czech Republic is selling off its stock of Communist era whisky. It appears that high-level communist officials wanted something nice and peaty to go with their perogi and paprikash, so they imported Scottish peat and figured out a way to make decent hooch. The stuff has been sitting in barrels since 1990 and seems to have aged to quite a nice tipple. Prices are about $60 a bottle, which isn’t bad for a decent bottle of whisky. I will have to keep my eyes open.
- From the “Thank You Captain Obvious” Department – Gun-control advocates are playing the insensitivity card when decrying a gun giveaway in Nashville. It appears that they have found a correlation between the contest and the date of gun-control legislation in the Senate. And people say that the public school system doesn’t produce results. Listen up, you dolts: Of course the giveaway was timed to coincide with Senate debate and votes on gun control. That’s kind of the point, to get people to think about guns when their rights to own guns without further government interference are being bargained over. Here’s an idea: Instead of whining to the papers about ‘insensitivity’, why not have a competing event that brings attention to your side of the debate. Maybe you could raffle off an autographed portrait of Michael Bloomberg. Or maybe you could have a sock-puppet talent contest. Hey, how about an anti-gun costume ball, where you can dress up as famous useful idiots in history? Ask your professors what that term means. I believe one of your idols came up with it.
- From the “Bring It On” Department – In related news, Michael Bloomberg, mayor of that hive of scum and villainy on the Hudson and noted expert on nutrition, epidemiology, and fascism, has declared that he will be dipping into his own fortune to fund efforts to oust Senators who voted to quash anti-gun legislation. He claims to want to be a counter to the NRA. You know what, I wish him luck, but I caution him to bring a lunch to this particular fight so that we’ll have something to eat after we whip his ass. Here’s an idea for Little Mikey: Why don’t you concentrate on doing your own job instead of trying to impose your will on the rest of us? I’m sure that New York is a paradise, what with people being pushed onto the subway rails for fun and profit, nightly games of “Let’s outrun the roving gangs of muggers and rapists”, and bi-weekly matches of “Search you, search me” between the NYPD and anyone who isn’t as pale as the driven snow and walks down the sidewalk, but I’m sure that the ‘honorable’ Mayor Bloomberg can find something better to do with his time. Hey, maybe he can have the laws of his city folded, spindled, and mutiliated so that he can run for office yet again?
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on April 29, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/04/29/news-roundup-186/
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DaddyBear
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Old NFO
/ April 29, 2013Last sentence is his goal….
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daddybear71
/ April 30, 2013No, I think he has loftier goals.
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