- From the “Can’t Drive 55” Department – Los Angeles has regained the honor of being of the most congested city in the United States, beating out Honolulu. Los Angeles has been in a rebuilding state since the 2010 driving season, when their star lane blocker, Maria Conchita Neveah Shania Nguyen-Limpopo-Rosenblatt-Al Rashid, was taken out of competition after she lost the wind-up key to her Prius. It’s good to see that the people of Los Angeles can come together to make their city one of the biggest inconveniences in the country. Los Angeles, I salute you by staying the heck away from you!
- From the “SkyNet” Department – The Israeli Air Force shot down a drone aircraft of unknown origins today. Hezbollah, the peaceful organization that represents those who wish to peacefully kill Israelis using peaceful suicide vests, has denied any involvement with the aircraft. However, the Lebanese terrorist organization has put out a notice on Twitter advising anyone that they will gladly trade one “Get Out Of A Suicide Mission Free” card for knowledge of the whereabouts of their glorious leader’s model airplane.
- From the “Like A Boss” Department – A female U.S. sailor is being hailed after she beat the bejeezus out of a would-be rapist in Dubai. It seems that the young lady got on a bus while on liberty, the bus driver took her to somewhere secluded, and tried to have his way with her. Instead of meekly submitting to his demands, she knocked the knife out of his hand, bit him, and crushed the breath out of him using her thighs. Here’s hoping the miscreant isn’t executed, because it would be more fitting if he were to spend the rest of his life in a Dubai prison with the label of being the guy who got beat up by a woman.
- From the “Not Our Fight” Department – The U.S. Secretary of Defense revealed today that American intelligence agencies believe that the Syrian government has used chemical weapons against Islamic factions in the ongoing Syrian civil war. Senators McCain (R for Redundant, Arizona) and Feinstein (D for Decrepit, California) have called this a “red-line” event, meaning that the Assad regime has gone too far and that the U.S. and its allies should intervene. I must point out here that we don’t really have any allies in Syria, we have no real interests in who wins and who loses here, and that we just don’t have a dog in this particular fight. Now, I’m disgusted by the use of chemical weapons against anyone, and I hope that their use has not included civilian targets, ala Halabja in 1988. But this isn’t our war, and if anyone should be policing what Arab Muslims do to each other, it should be other Arab Muslims. Let Saudi Arabia and Egypt get a little skin in the game for once.
- From the “Bondo and Ballpeen” Department – A recent hail storm has damaged 50 helicopters in Afghanistan, which will cause supply issues for units there. Army aviation officials say that repairs are being given top priority, although they expect that a few of the helicopters will be totalled out by insurance adjusters who have been deployed to assess the damage. In that event, they hope to be able to take what they get in a settlement and use it to buy some old UH-1 helicopters on the used aviation market until they save up enough to get a newer model.
- From the “Tough Mother” Department – A Pennsylvania woman has gained renown after travelling to Egypt and bringing back her son, who was abducted by her ex-husband several years ago. The woman dressed up in a scalp-to-ankles covering, found her ex-husband and son, and waited until an opportunity arose to whisk him away to a safehouse. The mother reports continued fear that the boy’s father will re-appear and try to take the boy away, but since Pennsylvania is a free state, I hope that she has taken the step of acquiring adequate tools to protect herself and her boy. She and her son are now adjusting to life back in the United States, and there are reports that her ex has taken a job as a bus driver in Dubai.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on April 25, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/04/25/news-roundup-185/
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