News Roundup
- From the “WTF?” Department – The National Father’s Day Council has named Bill Clinton as its 2012 “Father of the Year”. Yeah, Bubba’s a great father. So great that he was banging a young woman who was only a few years older than his daughter in the Oval Office while Chelsea was upstairs doing homework. Yeah, father of the year material right there. In related news, Mr. Clinton was also named “Cigar User of the Year” by the Cuban National Cigar Manufacturing Association.
- From the “Rules for Thee, Not Me” Department – The President has signed a law restoring lifetime Secret Service protection to presidents and their families. You see, someone who has held a four to eight year contract with the government has more of a need for armed security than I do, and one can’t force a millionaire to pay for his own hired guns. Anyone who says I don’t need a gun to protect me and my family and ex-presidents need multiple guys with guns to protect him and his family is fully invited to pucker up and kiss something fuzzy on me.
- From the “Crockett and Tubbs” Department – Police in California were surprised recently when a check on a man who is on probation turned up 34 pounds of marijuana being guarded by a 5 foot alligator. The scaly watchman appears to be in ill-health, and has been taken to the zoo for treatment. Apparently Captain Success bought the animal as a tribute to Tupac Shakur when he died. Right, because nothing screams “I love you Pac!” than a five foot alligator hiding your stash. The miscreant has been returned to jail, where ironically, he is sharing a cell with Vincent “The Croc” Sandoval, who got his name by taking people who irritated him on death rolls at the bottom of the Bay.
- From the “WTF?” Department – The Navy has released a study that finds that the new camouflage uniforms sailors have been wearing are quite flammable. The cloth they are made from is a cotton/nylon blend, and if anyone has ever had their hand under a piece of nylon cord that’s having its end melted so it doesn’t fray, you know that burning/molten nylon is bad news. Apparently cloth that doesn’t burn and melt wasn’t part of the requirements for the new uniform. Maybe I’m wrong, and I would like you Navy vets to correct me if I am, but isn’t fighting fires and damage control part of every sailor’s job description? I distinctly remember being told not to wear under-clothing with my BDU’s that wasn’t cotton because cotton chars, but synthetic fibers melt.
- From the “Friends, Romans, Countrymen!” Department – Archaeologists in England have unearthed an ancient Roman theater, the first of its kind found in Britain. Apparently even on the wild frontier of Faversham, the Romans liked to hear a little “Agamemnon”. This find is especially significant due a scroll discovered at the site, which has the original script for “The Parrot Sketch” on it, although in this version the centurion who wants to return the parrot runs the shopkeeper through with a spatha instead of buying a slug.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 11, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/01/11/news-roundup-169/
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