- From the “Flying Calamari Brothers” Department – Japanese scientists have created some fascinating video of a giant squid in the wild. The tentacled beauty was followed down until it was impossible to follow anymore. The scientists hope to repeat the feat again, although they plan to bring a lot more sticky rice, seaweed wrappers, and good beer with them next time.
- From the “Leaning Liner of Leon” Department – A ceremony is being held this weekend in Italy to commemorate the wrecking of the Costa Concordia. No word yet on whether or not President Obama will be there to expound on his opinion on whether or not this ship has a listing problem, that everything would be OK if more water was pumped aboard, and that it’s all the fault of George W. Bush, that criminal mastermind or incompetent, depending on the subject and who you ask.
- From the “Insult to Cockroaches” Department – Congress is currently polling somewhere between whale scum and the bottom of the ocean. Only 9% of Americans approve of Congress, which makes them slightly more popular than Ebola, but not as popular as cockroaches. What’s the difference between a kitchen full of roaches and the floor of the Congress? Roaches at least look guilty and run when someone shines the light of day on their activities.
- From the “Bad Omen” Department – A couple in California were fortunate to not be hurt when the balloon they had just gotten married in crashed. Everyone was able to go on to the reception, where such time-honored traditions as “let’s do a conga line under a ladder” and “black cat crossing contest” were held.
- From the “Samsonite Strut” Department – Authorities in Florida are searching for a seven-foot long alligator which was spotted walking down the street. Reports are that the creature wasn’t hurting anyone, and was just out to stretch its legs and/or jaws. Residents are reminded to keep pets, children, and relatives whom they like indoors for the time being.
- From the “Sweeps Week” Department – A TV station in Sweden is red in the face after a monitor in the background of an interview was showing adult content. Fox has already announced that Cinemax will be shown behind all news programs featuring good-looking anchorwomen. For those of you who don’t watch Fox, that means all of them. Never to be outdone, ABC plans to be putting hardcore videos in the background of The View, although the influence of seeing Joy Behar and pornography on the same screen might just kill off the sex drive of every human being that sees it, causing a massive drop in the birth rate.
- From the “Going to Hell on a Scholarship” Department – A man in Colorado must have had a lot of karma to burn, because he stole an ambulance that was parked outside of a home the other day. The vehicle’s crew was in the home assisting an old lady who had fallen, and apparently Captain Cuervo was a bit cold and needed to drive an ambulance around to warm up. Ambulance Driver was not available for comment.
- From the “Inconvenient Profit” Department – Al Gore, former Vice-President and current huckster of green energy drinks, has made himself richer than Mitt Romney after selling his failing TV station to Al Jazeera. I hope his rather liberal staff enjoy working for the oil-rich new owners. I understand that the new name of the network will be “PetroNews”, with a slogan of “Globally warming your heart since 2013”.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on January 8, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/01/08/news-roundup-168/
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