- From the “Spitting on a Fish” Department – Kofi Annan has decided to resign from the U.N. effort to bring peace to Syria. Apparently he came to the realization that you cannot bring peace between people who desperately want to watch the other one swing from a lamp-post. Hopefully the U.N. will leave well enough alone, let the strongest survive, and get on with their semi-annual “Dictators of December” Holiday Special, which will be broadcast by Ted Turner on all of his cable television stations on March 27.
- From the “River in Egypt” Department – Former Senator Larry Craig, who has made using the restroom at the Minneapolis airport a strange experience for thousands of men, is contesting an FEC claim that he illegally used campaign funds to pay legal fees after his arrest for soliciting sex at the airport. His logic is that since he did what he did while he was travelling to Washington to attend the Senate, the legal costs to defend his actions were reimbursable. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Larry Craig was tapping to the oldies on our time. Apparently his wide stance is only rivaled by his wide definition of “the people’s business”.
- From the “Skynet” Department – Our future robot masters are taking their first aerial baby steps at NAS Patuxent River. Engineers there are trying to figure out how to program an X-47B unmanned aerial vehicle how to take off and land on an aircraft carrier without human intervention. I assume that success criteria include being able to buzz the tower in even the worst of weather conditions. I for one welcome our new mechanical overlords.
- From the “Get to the Chopper!” Department – Arnold Schwarzenegger, former governor of California, actor, and body builder, has donated $20 million dollars to create a think tank at the University of Spoiled Children that will be devoted to problems with government, the environment, and other policy issues. Basically, he’s paying to have a group of smart people come together to talk about all the problems that he either caused or exacerbated during his tenure in Sacramento. Apparently, Mr. Schwarzenegger will also be teaching a class as a full professor at the university, so you freshman PoliSci majors have that going for you. As for those of you who have devoted your lives to teaching and hope someday to be awarded a professorship, good luck with that, unless of course, you have $20 million lying around to grease the skids a bit.
- From the “Dim Sum” Department – A group of Chinese tourists escaped getting into trouble for luring a mother bear and her cubs closer to their van with meat by leaving the country before the authorities could catch up with them. This one gets the DaddyBear Dumbass of the Day award. Nothing beats those vacation shots of Uncle Lu having his stump bandaged up after he thought he had run out of meat for the bear, until the bear disagreed and pointed out that Uncle Lu was made of meat.
- From the “Symbolic” Department – The mayor of London got stuck recently when he was trying out a zip line ride at the Olympics. Ironically, a massive government response was unnecessary to save him, as an old lady who remembered the Blitz was in the crowd, and convinced the nanny-state supporter that he could get himself down or at least keep a stiff upper lip and not cry like a baby until the fire brigade arrived. No word yet on how the mayor actually got down, as British first responders are known to stand by and watch instead of intervene when they encounter a situation they are not certified for, and I cannot imagine they were trained to get Socialists off of high wires.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on August 3, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/08/03/news-roundup-144/
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DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 
Old NFO
/ August 4, 2012All good ones, and the London Mayor? They threw him a rope and pulled him to safety…LOL
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Drang
/ August 4, 2012Now, if Jeremy Clarkson had been there… “Pull!”
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