- From the “Stop Touching It!” Department – A man in Texas is in police custody after his concealed carry gun went off, wounding him and two other people. Apparently it fired when he reached into his pocket for his wallet, hitting him in the butt and sending fragments into a woman and a child. I hope it hurts to sit for a long time. People, get a holster. Get a few. Use them. These stories are getting old.
- From the “Taking It A Bit Far” Department – A man in Utah created a bit of a sensation recently when he dressed up in a ‘goat suit’ and crawled around a hillside up in the Wasatch. He is apparently trying it out for a hunt later this year. He plans to use the suit to try to sneak up on mountain goats for an easier shot. Part of me hopes he’s successful. I look forward to a story on the hunting shows about the maniac who took down a bighorn sheep with a bowie-knife.
- From the “Get A Rope” Department – A New Hampshire man has been arrested after he admitted to setting two fires on the nuclear submarine U.S.S. Miami in order to get off work early. Captain Success was apparently going through some of the things that life throws at all of us, and rather than taking a mental health break to get his head right, decided to set a couple fires so that he could go home. One of those fires gutted the submarine. He’s up for a life sentence and a stiff fine if he’s convicted. If he is indeed convicted, I say he should spend the rest of his life cleaning out the septic systems of dry-docked Navy vessels with his toothbrush, preferably while they’re still in use. He’s just lucky that no-one was killed putting out his fires.
- From the “All Righty” Department – Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York and international star of necrophiliac furry snuff films, is backing away from a wish he made that all of the police in the United States go on strike until stricter gun laws are passed. You know what, Mikey? I’m for that. Let the thin blue line disappear for a few weeks, and we’ll see what happens. I’m guessing that the Dead Goblin Count will skyrocket in the first few days until a Darwinian process causes the rash and stupid to die off. Also, let those who live in a walking sleep wake up when Officer Friendly isn’t there to keep the predators in check. Maybe then they’ll stop looking at those of us who take responsibility for our own safety like we were Martians.
- From the “Shocked Face” Department – Federal and state investigators in Kentucky are putting people in jail after a long-held tradition of vote-buying got out of hand in eastern Kentucky. I wonder how long this has been going on. My guess is that the first vote was bought in the United States about 15 minutes before the polls opened back in 1792.
- From the “Stepford Wife” Department – The mystery woman recently seen in public with North Korean leader and all around good egg Kim Jong Un has been identified as his wife. I’ve got 20 bucks that says she’s an advanced robot/sex toy illicitly imported from Japan. Then again, there’s someone for everyone. Even Quasimodo had a lady love, so I congratulate the young lady on landing the leader of a backwards, repressive, starving asylum of a country. Mazeltov!
- From the “Engineering by Litigation” Department – A lawsuit against Glock is moving forward in California after an appeals court ruled that a jury should be able to judge whether or not the lack of a grip safety and the ‘light’ trigger on the popular pistol made it possible for a three year old boy to shoot his father in the back after he found it under the seat of a car. Apparently it’s too hard to keep a pistol away from three year olds, and pistol manufacturers need to put in even more doodads to save us from stupidity. Just what we need, a Glock with a zit.
- From the “Jet Set” Department – A young boy in Britain has a story to tell when school starts. It seems he decided to run away from home, found his way into the secure area of the Manchester airport, and boarded a plane to Rome. Security personnel and flight crew were clueless until other passengers reported the young man. He is safe and sound back home after being put on the next flight back to Britain from Italy. The young man is said to have enjoyed his trip, and is now asking his mother what a Turkish prison is and if he can watch gladiator movies.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on July 25, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/25/news-roundup-141/
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4 Comments
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 
Old NFO
/ July 25, 2012You know, I almost ‘hate’ to start reading these posts… “Almost”… 🙂
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daddybear71
/ July 25, 2012It’s not exactly a collection of good news tonight, I’ll admit that.
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julie
/ July 26, 2012………. sorry, that’s about the most intelligent comment I can come up with ……..
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Corey
/ July 26, 2012The Airplane reference was awesome! You win
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