A new tool in political campaigns is “tracking”.  Basically, someone from opposing campaigns or the other party follow a candidate around with a video camera, film constantly, and put embarrassing footage onto the Internet in an effort to hurt the filmed candidate.  Usually, this only happens at public appearances and such, but apparently some Democratic operatives have cranked it up a notch and are filming the homes and other non-public aspects of their lives. 

Some would find that a bit intrusive and creepy, and they’d be right.  But being the evil bastard that I am, I see this as an opportunity to screw with your opposing candidate.  Here’s what I suggest candidates do when they notice some jackhole taking footage of their home or family:

• Sit on the porch while slowly sharpening a machete or an axe, and stare blankly at the camera.
• Go to the local stockyard, purchase a pig, sheep, or goat, and slaughter it in full view of the camera.  Bonus points if you put the head on a spike and hang a sign with the name of your opponent on it.
• Put on your waders, camouflage clothing, and funny hat, get out your duck call, and sit in the front yard trying to call ducks in for an afternoon.  Bonus points if you make a blind next to the bird bath.
• Dig a 6 by 6 by 3 foot hole in the front yard while occasionally checking to see if the yutz with the Nikon is still there.
• Send your spouse out with coffee and pastries every morning, just to be neighborly.  After a few days, just as they’re about to take the first bite or sip, come running out of the house screaming “For the love of God, don’t eat that!”
• If you’re a middle-aged man, wash your car wearing nothing but a very tight, very short pair of Daisy Duke shorts.  Bonus points of you squish out creamy lather all over your chest while you lick your lips at the moron with the camera. 
• Go to the lumber yard and buy several truckloads of lumber of odd sizes and lengths.  Spend several days nailing it all together into some random shape with no apparent rhyme or reason.  After all of the lumber is used, look at it with a scowl for a little while, then get your chainsaw and cut it apart, leaving no piece of wood longer than six inches.  Burn the wood in a bonfire to which you invite the uninvited cinematographer.  Bonus points if you use the bonfire to roast the animal you slaughtered earlier.
• Hang a series of signs on the perimeter of your property.  They should say “Beware of Wolverine” or “Danger – Eunuchs at Work”.

Any of these will mess with your opponent for weeks as they try to figure out what you are up to, and will give you hours of laughter.