- From the “Qel Surpris” Department – Some members of an indigenous force stood up in Afghanistan by the U.S. and other NATO members have started defecting to the insurgent groups they’re supposed to be hunting. I, for one, am absolutely shocked to hear that illiterate goat herders who have received free arms and training from us are going over to the other side. No, really, this is my shocked face. Of course, it’s a very small number (41 or 86, depending on who you believe) of the 10,000+ people in the program, but it’s not exactly encouraging.
- From the “Excuses” Department – A man in Seattle is accused of sexually assaulting four women, three of the teenagers, during and after a volleyball game. His excuse: the demon caffeine made me do it. Dude, you’re lucky I’m not on your jury. I’ve been so amped up that I’m starting to see dead relatives, and I’ve never grabbed a woman’s breasts or smacked a teenage girl on the butt. I once heard someone say that it’s not the alcohol that makes the jerk a jerk, because he was a jerk long before the first drop touched his lips. I think the same logic applies here. My guess is that you were a jerk before you had that 35th dopio low-foam extra dark cappuccino.
- From the “One Man, One Vote, One Time” Department – Libya is preparing for its first election in six decades. I look forward to a future of a real Libyan statesman stepping up to the plate, leading his nation to a glorious, peaceful future, and then passing on power to the next guy, like the muslim Cincinnatus that he is. Mwahahaha. Sorry, couldn’t hold that in any more. I look forward to a rigged election, the suppression of politica, cultural, religious, and racial minorities, and spending the rest of my life worrying that some Libyan regime or another is going to decide that my insides would look better outside.
- From the “Professor Moriarty” Department – A master criminal in Pennsylvania was caught when his case of the munchies led police along a trail made out of the leavings of his inability to eat just one potato chip. Hopefully he learns from his time in the big house and never litters again.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on July 6, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/06/news-roundup-134/
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DaddyBear
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Drang
/ July 8, 2012I’m pretty sure the “Coffee made me do it” defense won’t fly here in the Land of Starbucks…
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