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News Roundup

  • From the “Multitasking” Department – A woman in St. Louis was arrested for shoplifting cosmetics in a Walmart and carrying around a soda bottle full of the fixings for methamphetamine.  Basically, she was walking around a department store with a hazmat situation in her purse.  Because, you know, when you’re tweaking on your own fine homemade meth, you want to look good.  The only thing that was missing from this story was her leaving a baby loose in a stolen car in the parking lot with the windows rolled up.
  • From the “I’m Still Available” Department – The speculation about who Mitt Romney will choose as his running mate has started getting into gear.  Front runners appear to be Senator Marco Rubio of Florida and Senator Rob Portman of Ohio.  I really can’t think of anyone I’d like to be vice president whose initials aren’t “DB”, but I feel safe predicting that the VP candidate will be a Republican.
  • From the “Tenuous Tenure” Department – A University of Georgia professor was recently arrested for prostitution.  While I’m sure that some university professors utilize the services of soiled doves on a regular basis, in this case, the professor was a supplier, not a consumer.  He called himself Sasha and was wearing a fishnet body stocking when he was arrested.  I’d like to make a snarky comment on this, but my mind vapor locked after seeing the mug shot and imagining him in a fishnet body stocking.  Remember, that which is visualized cannot be un-visualized.
  • From the “Mother of the Year” Department – A woman in Texas has been arrested for child endangerment after her daughter ate a sandwich laced with PCP.  Her teachers noticed she was acting strangely after lunch, and CPS was eventually called in.  Here’s hoping this woman spends a long time in a bad place over this.  PCP is one of those drugs that makes even my “legalize and tax it” skin crawl.
  • From the “Big Weasel” Department – A woman working at a zoo in Germany has been hospitalized after being attacked by a six foot long giant otter.  Several other workers were also injured as they tried to rescue the woman.  Here’s hoping they all recover quickly and cleanly.  I have to say that I’m not sure how I would do if a six foot long otter tried to take a chunk out of me.  I certainly hope that I’d be doing my best to make it into the raw materials for a coat.

5 Comments

  1. Old NFO's avatar

    Old NFO

     /  June 10, 2012

    Sigh, they are out there and they breed… Re the VP pick, at least it can’t be Joe bite me 🙂

    Like

    • daddybear71's avatar

      Yep, you don’t have to show ID to have a kid.

      And yeah, my guess is that win or lose, Obama is going to replace Biden. Although, you have to admit that having Joe Biden as your VP is pretty much the best insurance against domestic assassination that Obama could have gotten.

      Like

  2. (the other) Bear's avatar

    “I feel safe predicting that the VP candidate will be a Republican.”

    How do you figure that? It isn’t as if Romney is a real Republican.

    Like