- From the “Simian Guerilla” Department – Scientists in Sweden are reporting that one of the chimpanzees in a zoo there is exhibiting quite sophisticated ways to prepare for and attack zoo visitors. One observation showed that the male chimp had the foresight to create a weapons cache by hiding rocks under a mound of hay and then throwing those rocks at visitors later. This is fascinating, but I’m not concerned that this may be the beginning of the Planet of the Apes. When he starts burying M-44’s and spam cans full of Bulgarian ammunition, I’ll be worried. The scientists are claiming that this proves that chimpanzees are capable of planning for events that they have never experienced before. To me this proves that Homo sapiens aren’t the only mammals capable of being a jerk. Maybe the chimp is just telling the zoo-goers to get off his lawn?
- From the “Swiss Miss” Department – Former Republican presidential hopeful is moving to cancel her dual Swiss/US citizenship. She gained this status because of her marriage in 1978 to a man with Swiss citizenship, automatically giving her a hankering for fine chocolate and vineyard colored field uniforms. In the United States, marriage does not automatically give you citizenship, although it can help to gain acceptance. For example, I will always be a Yankee, but marriage to Irish Woman makes me tolerable to my neighbors. In a couple of generations, my progeny will be considered Southerners, but not a moment before.
- From the “No Kidding?” Department – Archaeologists in Guatemala have discovered a Mayan calendar that goes beyond 2012, which should put to rest the debate on how much dried mango, yak jerky, and powdered eggs we need to keep in our basement. Maybe now we can move on to more important subjects, such as the election, the economy, and which of the young males in the latest incarnation of the Monkees is the cutest.
- From the “Bad Idea” Department – A teacher in Florida is facing dismissal after putting a cone-shaped dog collar on several of her students. What the young men did to earn the Cone of Shame is not known at this time. Possible punishments for the teacher include dismissal, possible child abuse charges, and being hit in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on May 10, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/05/10/news-roundup-115/
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DaddyBear
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auntiejl
/ May 11, 2012I vote for the rolled-up newspaper.
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