Here are a few things that folks seem to have had hit them unawares in the past few weeks:

• A serial felanderer and tabloid baiter, who has never seemed to have much use for other humans except as tools, is caught on tape describing how he believes his wealth and status protect him from repercussions when he sexually harasses, and possibly assaults, members of the fairer sex.
  • I’ve got news for you, sparky – Donald Trump is now, and has been, a waste of good amino acids for my entire life.  It will tell you something that, in the unlikely event that my family were ever to meet him, I would make absolutely certain that he was never in the presence of my wife and daughter without my presence, preferably armed.
• A woman who has made a lifetime career out of skating right at the ragged edge of legality, and when she slips over the edge, adroitly outliving investigations into her behavior, has built an organization that acts in a similar manner.
  • Have you not been paying attention for the past 25 years? Bill and Hillary Clinton have spent decades learning how to do whatever they want and not get thrown into jail for it.  Nobody should be shocked to learn that Mrs. Clinton was the brains of the operation, complete with monocle and white cat.
• A political candidate that dipped himself in luminescent paint and started doing the chicken dance on the 50 meter berm during this night live fire exercise of a political campaign, is shocked to learn that the media is biased against him.
  • No kidding.  The media, the vast majority of whom publicly support Democratic candidates and causes, has been against just about anyone with an (R) after their name since about 1973, at least.  Just because they fell over each other trying to be the first in line to kiss his ring during the primary, Trump is either stupid or naive if he’s surprised they’re running truthful stories which are burying him a couple weeks prior to the general election.
• Hillary Clinton is for abortion!  Oh my stars and garters!
  • Seriously, have you been under a rock for the past few decades or something?  I’ve never heard or seen anything that doesn’t persuade me from believing that Mrs. Clinton resents not having the power to terminate her daughter’s life TODAY, much less when she was still in the womb.  Say it with me now:  99.999% of all elected officials who have a (D) after their name are pro-choice, to some degree or another.  How the Catholic Church can get away with supporting them is what people should be pondering.
• Donald Trump wrote off a huge business loss and didn’t pay taxes for years!  He’s a freeloader and a tax cheat.
  • Donald Trump is a businessman, same as Hillary Clinton.  He’s just in a business where it’s possible to lose almost a billion dollars one year and show a profit the next.  The law says that he can write off that loss, so he did.  The law says you can deduct a whole bunch of stuff, and I’ll bet a lot of the people whinging about this take advantage of most of them.

Look, Donald Trump is a small, conceited, overbearing, conniving, boorish, disrespectful little political and social chameleon who, were it not for his father’s money, would have spent his pathetic, miserable life as either the laziest pimp in Times Square or as the most annoying street performer ever conceived.

Hillary Clinton is a scheming, oily, two-faced, shrewish fishwife who rode her way to the top of the political food chain on the back of her husband, Donald Trump’s brother from another mother.  In a just world, she would have ended up as the madam at a failing brothel located in a trailer park south of Chicago.

The third, fourth, and nth party candidates, with the possible exception of a former CIA dude, can’t seem to figure out how to pour piss out of a boot without the instructions printed on the heel.

If you’re surprised that we’re hosed this year, and for the foreseeable future, you haven’t been paying attention.  The time to wake up was last year, so if you’re just now rubbing the political sleep from your eyes and trying to figure out what in the name of Cthulhu is going on, I’ve got nothing for you.  It’s time for all of us to take a nice bite out of this sandwich, and I’m pretty sure nobody is going to like the filling.