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Coming Soon

  • Jurassic World – Looks pretty good, if you like more of the “there are things which man was not supposed to know” moralizing.  Probably going to see this one, if for nothing else than to show support for Dennis, who provided sheaths for some of the actors.
  • Poltergeist – Reboot of the 1980’s movie.  Little girl is taken by the things that go bump in the night, and her family tries desperately to save her.  Had nightmares from the original, so nope, nope, nope, nope.
  • Run All Night – Liam Neeson is in line for an Oscar for this, in the “Hypocritical Use of Violence and Guns To Protect Human Life by a Hoplophobe in a Drama” category.  Nope.
  • The Gunman – Sean Penn is competing with Neeson in that category.  This film appears to be the “I gots me the PTSD, so I’m gonna kill a bunch of people” kind of storyline.  Wouldn’t accept free tickets to see this, unless Sean Penn’s character dies horribly in the opening scene, then is mocked for the rest of the movie.
  • Chappie – What if we took a police robot and gave it independent intelligence.  If you said “someone will bring in an ED-209 to destroy it”, then you’ve seen the trailer for Chappie.  I’m probably going to see this one, but I hope it doesn’t take itself as seriously as the trailer suggests.
  • TomorrowLand – A young woman is let out of jail, and finds that the Disney World lapel pin that she’s handed sends her to the middle of a wheat field with a city of big buildings in the distance.  If you don’t see this trailer and immediately think that somebody watched the Wizard of Oz one too many times, please pay more attention.  I might see this with the kids, but I’ll be sure to bring along a good book just in case.
  • The Lazarus Effect – Ever wonder what would have happened if Flatliners hadn’t had a happy ending?  Watch this movie and you’ll probably find out.  Pass.
  • McFarland, USA – Kevin Costner plays a track coach in an economically depressed, rural area.  A feel-good movie where we all learn that our differences are only skin deep.  If only I went to movies to feel good.  Pass.
  • Cinderella – A live-action reboot of the Disney classic, because hand-drawn artistry from the golden age of animation just can’t compete these days.  I look forward to more Disney princess merchandise clogging the aisles of Walmart this fall.  Thank the Lord that Girlie Bear is old enough to go see this without me.
  • Home – A quirky little alien escapes to Earth after he succeeds in messing up with his own people.  He is met by Stereotype, the spunky little girl with African ancestry, who proves to him what it means to be human.  I don’t have high hopes for this one, but may see it.
  • Pan – Origin story for Peter Pan, because every childhood memory needs a brooding, psychological treatment.  On the fence about this one.
  • Underdogs – Foosball statuettes come to life when the kid who used to play with them gets into a pissing match with the soccer star he embarrassed over the table years ago.  Pass.
  • In the Heart of the Sea – Retelling story of the whaling ship Essex, which inspired Melville to write “Moby Dick”.  As a history nerd, this is almost an obligatory watch.  Hope it’s as good as it could be.
  • Unfriended – Cyber stalking for the recently deceased. Booga Booga, there’s a ghost in the machine.  Pass.
  • The Age of Adeline – A woman who is eternally young meets the guy she can give it all up for.  Might make a good date night movie.
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  1. I don’t see a single one I’m willing to spend money on… sigh


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