- From the “Welcome Home” Department – The remains of an American soldier that went missing in Korea in 1950 were returned to his family today, and he will be laid to rest in California on Friday. His remains were among the up to 400 sets that were returned by North Korea in the early 1990’s, and he was identified through dental records and DNA. The amount of energy we spend trying to make sure every family gets their loved ones back, no matter how long it has been since they were lost, tells me we’re not as bad off as a nation as I sometimes fear we are.
- From the “Posse Comitatus” Department – A retired Army lieutenant-general has suggested that in order for Chicago to get its act together when it comes to crime and violence, it may be necessary for federal agencies and the National Guard to get involved in Chicago’s law enforcement efforts. Because the way to improve the crime rate in a community is to put men with no legitimate arrest authority on every street corner. Here’s an idea: How about the police ‘arrest’ people who break the law, the courts ‘convict’ those who prove have broken the law, and the prisons ‘incarcerate’ those who have been convicted, and the miscreants never see Chicago again?
- From the “Dumbass” Department – A woman in Florida was hurt the other day when a bullet her friend was storing in the oven went off. Luckily, her injuries weren’t too bad. Hopefully her friend learns that the oven is no place to store ammunition. That’s what the toilet tank is for.
- From the “Hmmmm” Department – The state of Colorado is working to remove ‘morals’ laws from their books. They plan on getting rid of laws against adultery and ‘immoral conduct’, which could be the act of renting a hotel room to a couple that isn’t married. At the same time, the Colorado legislature is fiercely debating draconian gun control laws. Apparently it’s OK to get the government out of our bedrooms, but not out of our gun safes. Maybe Hedonism will open a resort on the grounds of the MagPul facility if they leave the state.
- From the “Rule 4″ Department – A hunter in Oregon has been acquitted in charges that arose after he mistakenly shot a hiker, thinking that the man was a bear. His excuse is that in the moment he had to take the shot, he didn’t see that instead of a half ton furry carnivore, his target was actually a 20-year-old Marine reservist from California. Here’s a hint: If you don’t have a good enough view of your game animal, don’t shoot at it. Better to let the bear of a lifetime walk away to make more little bears than to live with the consequences of shooting someone. Yes, I’m being judgmental about this, but somewhere in the mountains above Ogden, Utah, is a pine tree with a bullet in it that would have parted my hair if it had been aimed four or five inches lower, so I’m a little sensitive to this kind of thing. You don’t shoot at sound, you don’t shoot at a shape, and you certainly don’t shoot unless you’re absolutely positive that your target isn’t human.
- From the “Going to Hell on a Scholarship” Department – Two men are in custody after allegedly stealing a trailer full of tools from a church in Kentucky. The church uses the tools to help people who have been hit with disasters such as tornadoes and hurricanes. My guess is that these two guys, if convicted, are going to have a long time to think about how bad it is to steal from a church in such a way that it stops the congregation from helping those in need.
- From the “Your Tax Dollars at Work” – The state of Colorado has ordered a bankrupt solar energy company, which took millions of federal dollars in loan guarantees before being ridden into the ground, to clean up the toxic waste they left behind. My guess is that if we want to know who will pay for all this, we should all go and look in the mirror for an answer. There’s a sucker born every minute, and apparently a lot of them have been voting for the past few years.
- From the “WTF?” Department – A schoolgirl in Texas is suing her school system because she was punished for refusing to recite a loyalty pledge to Mexico while holding her right arm out in a salute. The girl offered to say the American Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish, but was rebuffed. At the same time, the school has a policy that allows students to refuse to recite our Pledge or the Declaration of Independence. I’d like to have a witty comment about this one, but to be honest, I’m just standing in awe of the stupidity.
- From the “Setting the Mood” Department – A zoo in Scotland has begun playing music to try to encourage its pandas to mate. I’m not sure what their playlist is like, but they are reported to be playing Marvin Gaye, which is a good start. I also suggest some Barry White. Then again, “Yakkety Sax” might work too. Those crazy pandas might just need something with a good, fast beat to get things moving.
- From the “Alcohol Abuse” Department – A truckload of chardonnay overturned on a highway in New York recently, spilling wine and broken glass all over the roadway. Authorities described the accident as fruity, with notes of pine, dried leaves, and road tar. Emergency crews are said to have responded with half a ton of brie and some crusty french bread.
Posted by daddybear71 on February 27, 2013