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News Roundup

  • From the “Taxdollars at Work” Department – The state of Washington obviously hasn’t cut its budgets quite far enough, because they’re spending taxpayer dollars to comb through their laws to find examples where gender-specific words, like ‘fireman’, are still on the books.  Talk about your bottomless pit of government money.  Once all the things that might be valid are taken care of, I can see this dragging out for years while they look to remove those phallic semicolons and sexist curly braces.
  • From the “Butterfingers” Department – Police in Georgia are seeking a woman who dropped a bag of methamphetamine while checking out at Wal-Mart.  My only surprise in reading the story was that she didn’t try to pay for her purchase with it.  Citizens are advised to be on the lookout for a 100 pound woman who is walking around twitching and mumbling “I just had it.  It was right here”.
  • From the “On the Stump Again” Department – President Obama, the campaigner in chief, has decided to take his gun control show on the road for a multi-city tour.  Opening for him will be that new boy band “PSH”, singing their new hit single “Girl, I Just Messed My Jeans”.  President Obama is trying to convince middle America to believe slanted polls that supposedly show a consensus among gun owners that we’ve been wrong all these years and really ought to just surrender and do what the President says is right.  Remember, the President pinky swears there won’t be any unexpected consequences from this law, and that gun control zealots will never, ever, ask for anything else ever again.
  • From the “WTF?” Department – A cleric in Saudi Arabia has decreed that baby girls should be covered in head to toe clothing in order to prevent sexual abuse.  Apparently the sick bastards who abuse little girls in Saudi Arabia will be deterred by placing the wee babes in a flour sack.  Obviously alternative methods of deterring pedophiles, like the death penalty or amputation of the offending dangly bits, won’t work.
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