- From the “And One For the Horse You Rode In On” Department – Michael Moore, the hero who has been responsible for the survival of the American fast food and corn chip industries in these hard economic times, has published his list of New Year’s resolutions. One of them is to stop saying “I support the troops.” Apparently, those of us who were either suckered into the military because of patriotism or hard economic times should have known better. Basically, because he disagrees with the political decisions that have led to us invading Iraq and continuing our work in Afghanistan, he thinks that people who sign up to wear the uniform are part of the problem. Personally, after looking up what Michael Moore has done to contribute to any solution to any problem in his life and being greatly underwhelmed, I hope that Mr. Moore has a change of heart and goes back to his hobbies of trying to destroy corporations and governments, glorifying communism, and pulling the wings off of rare Amazonian butterflies to season his evening meal.
- From the “Oopsie!” Department – Police in Florida are looking for the source of several training grenades that have been found in a trashcan at DisneyWorld. I agree with the police in that they are probably left over from some training or other. Of course, why grenades are being used in military/police training at DisneyWorld is another question. Next time I visit the Magic Kingdom, I’ll keep my nose open for the smell of burnt gunpowder, flash-bangs, and riot gas.
- From the “Back in the USSR” Department – Russian President Putin has declared that Girard Depardeau, French actor and tax refugee, is now a Russian citizen. Russia has a flat 13% income tax, while France is looking to seize 75% of the income of anyone making more than 1 million euros. Depardeau recently surrendered his French passport and moved to Belgium. You know, it’s kind of sad when Russia has a more sane tax structure than liberal western democracies.
- From the “Sharper Than A Serpent’s Tooth” Department – Two girls in California are in hot water after it was discovered that they drugged one of the girls’ parents so that they could be on the Internet after curfew. In the realm of temper tantrums, this one will go down as about an 8 out of 10. It’s above getting a tattoo to piss off your father but below the Menendez brothers. Here’s hoping these young ladies get sent to the judicial woodshed and don’t come back for a long time.
- From the “Insult to Injury” Department – The state of Delaware, which provided millions of dollars in grants and loans to Fisker to open an auto factory in the state, has spent several hundred thousand dollars in additional funds over the past few months to keep the lights on for Fisker. If you believe that this money will be repaid, as well as the $21 million in loans previously made by the state, then I have beachside property in Kentucky for you. Apparently, when the Obama administration was picking winners and losers in the green energy market, they picked a lot of losers. This isn’t schadenfreude, ladies and gentlemen. The federal government promised Fisker over half a billion dollars, which we’re all on the hook for. Thankfully, Fisker seems to have crumbled before getting all of that money, so thank the Lord for small favors.
- From the “Oddities” Department – Doctors in Iran are reporting that a man in Tabriz has grown a benign tumor on the surface of one of his eyes that is apparently sprouting hair. It is reported that this condition is not uncommon, and I have to agree. Every father of the girls I used to date gave me the hairy eyeball, so I’m guessing that most of the people so afflicted are middle-aged fathers of teenage daughters. I expect mine to start emerging any time now.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 3, 2013